(no subject)

[ichibeifamily]

WHO: Ichibei + Aristophanes + Whoever tho
WHERE: Aristophanes
OPEN/CLOSED: OPEN
WHEN: Late morning

[okay so they have made themselves look as PRESENTABLE AS POSSIBLE as you can when you know, several of you have been injured and no one has had a bath since new years and your clothes were shit to begin with.

They are not even trying to be subtle as they head into Aristophane's territory boldly. Or at least, Chain isn't.]

Comments

[rabukidastrophes]

Yoo~ Ladies~~! We've heard of your alluring beauty from all across Pearl and have come to behold it with our own eyes!!

[greygull]

[while not notably injured, definitely looking pretty ragged. glancing around for familiar faces as they arrive, sticking particularly close to the injured members of Ichibei]

[greygull]

Are there ladies here? The only one I've met was definitely a guy.

[rabukidastrophes]

At least two! I heard one punched another one at new years!

[puckable]

There had better be.

[puckable]

Amateur! You need at least one or two more positive adjectives in there.

[unexpectedboner]

[whistling down the street is a guy who actually looks like he should be here, in that he is wearing copious amounts of green and pink and all the holes in them look intentional]

...?

[rabukidastrophes]

I'm saving them for when they show.

[rabukidastrophes]

Ehhh, you're not lovely beauty, but I guess you'll do.

[unexpectedboner]

Who's 'lovely beauty'? Who're you, for that matter?

[rabukidastrophes]

Chain! I'll also accept lovely beauty, but maybe it should be charming and handsome instead?

[unexpectedboner]

Humble and understated, too?

[parasleight]

[from a nearby rooftop, in a falsetto]

Oh my, you certainly have a way with words, young man!

[greygull]

Okay, yeah, I did hear about that.

Don't you get punched, too.

[puckable]

Surely your reserves run deeper than that.

[rabukidastrophes]

Exactly!

[rabukidastrophes]

I'll forgive it as long as I can punch her back. We can have that kind of violent love/love relationship.

[rabukidastrophes]

If you have complaints, call them out yourself! Maybe you can snag them for your cute Prime.

1/2

[rabukidastrophes]

[TURNS AROUND, DELIGHTED!!]

[rabukidastrophes]

[nnnnoooo, why]

Already you're breaking my heart....

[unexpectedboner]

. . .

Anyway, why're you here?

[parasleight]

[in a deep narrator-like voice]

The unattainable maiden weeps at the loss, being the sensitive soul that she is.

[rabukidastrophes]

I think you mean ~in~vis~ible~

Where are the hot chicks that we saw on new years?!

[rabukidastrophes]

To seduce ladies and get some decent clothes to do it in.

[unexpectedboner]

Well, you've come to the right place! When it comes to pants that'll look even better on the floor, we're your guys.

So...as for payment, what're you looking to offer?

[rabukidastrophes]

[holds up a bottle of booze]

[unexpectedboner]

[considers this]

...I guess you can get some pants with that. Shirts, shoes, jackets, and fancy underwear'll be extra, though.

[parasleight]

[His voice returns to a falsetto.]

You wound me, sir. Does this figure do nothing for you? [He strikes a sultry pose on the edge of the rooftop.]

[rabukidastrophes]

Let's see what you have before I decide what it's worth, okay?

[rabukidastrophes]

Maybe if you'd put on a dress. I don't know about this half-assed seduction, though.

[unexpectedboner]

Guests aren't allowed in the warehouse. Safety first, and all. If there're some specifics you're looking for, we might have some samples, though.

[parasleight]

You're interested in dresses? We co~uld help with that.

[puckable]

I'm not some sort of selfish upstager. Besides, I work best up close.

[rabukidastrophes]

Bring me something in Ichibei's colors then. I can't buy it without knowing what you have.

[rabukidastrophes]

Anyone who wants to see me in a dress had to get it for me~ Since I'm here to buy my own clothes, let's see what you have in my colors.

[unexpectedboner]

[considers this]

Okay. Give me fifteen minutes. I'll ready a presentation.

[rabukidastrophes]

We'll stay put.

[unexpectedboner]

[He runs off, then as promised, he returns! He lays out three sets of clothing on a convenient nearby stall:

1) a t-shirt and slacks. The styling is classic (read: unexciting) and they look pretty discount store quality (or lack thereof), but they will keep you from being naked if nothing else.
2) a navy suit jacket with sleek aqua pinstripes. Well-made and you'll look mafia-chic--from the waist up, at least.
3) a delicate lace bra and panty set. It isn't top-quality lace, but that's not top-shelf booze, and either way, it shouldn't be too itchy. The aqua lace is threaded with shimmering blue piping on the outer edging, a little glam without being too hoochie.]

Your bottle can get you any one of these three. I figure this's a good representation of what we can offer, whether you're looking for value options, quality, or style.

[rabukidastrophes]

Eh~? Maybe we should bring Levi a pair of these~

[cheerfully inspecting the lingerie]

[unexpectedboner]

[they seem less like the sorts of thing you would want to wear all day to work, but then you probably wouldn't be wearing them all that long anyway, if all goes well]

I thought those might be to your taste. They layer pretty well, too.

[parasleight]

Well, you wouldn't happen to have a governess would you? Or shall I fetch one?

Have to do this on the up-and-up you know.

[rabukidastrophes]

Okay, sold. Lady's lingerie for lazy Levi~! For everyone else I need a full set of the basics, throw in some basic underwear!

And since we're buying in bulk you'll give us a discount, right?

[unexpectedboner]

We don't generally do bulk discounts, but just for you, I'll throw in those undies for free. Or for just a bottle more, you can upgrade, something the boys'll really appreciate.

[rabukidastrophes]

I'll take the basics, as cute as my entire family on lingerie would be, Levi won't feel special if I get it for everyone.

Instead for an extra bottle you can throw in a couple of those jackets, okay? Remember we're going to be returning customers!

[unexpectedboner]

For an extra bottle I can throw in one jacket. You are welcome to return for more at any time.

Seven bottles of decent stuff and you get one lingerie set, five basic sets of clothes, free tightie-whities, and one incredibly swank jacket. If you don't like the terms, you can try hashing things out with one of my teammates but I can promise they'll be tougher to deal with.

[rabukidastrophes]

Alright, alright. Deal. Any preference on wine or the harder stuff?

[unexpectedboner]

Let's mix it up! A red and a white, and then a variety of liquors as well. If that works for you, at least.